Loss of Me
by Chan-Ban
Summary: When dreams of a strange girl begin haunting Riku, he becomes restless and yearns for a new adventure. With selfblame still fresh in mind, what path will he take?
1. Prologue

-Hey guys! Yup, another fic XP I'm such a dork! lol, please R&R and I swear I'll update my other ones soon!Yakusoku desu!; I have the chapters STARTED >> I just get sidetracked. lol! Less-than-three all of you :3 Well here's a KH fic XD cos I'm LAME!

A white hall. The hall seemed to be made out of marble and pearl and coated with a diamond glaze. At the end of the hall, a great crystalline structure stood. Many small stalagmite-like pieces jutted out from it and on the largest crystal was a heartless symbol. In this crystalline prison, there was a girl. Her face was a mask of placid beauty, and her silver hair was spread about her like a veil. She looked like she was carved out of alabaster. Her features were humanly flawed, but she was still beautiful. She had a black blindfold on. Her features were strong and determined. She seemed to be moving phantom-like across the reflections of the crystal.  
"See me"  
These words seemed to echo about the entire hall.

Stumbling through the darkness, the girl wore a black blindfold and called out to no one and someone. Although her eyes blinded, she felt a dream, a dark dream. She could feel it very close. Her hands groped about the darkness and it felt like her fingers were tangled in thick hair. She made small protesting noises as she groped blindly in her hell.  
"See me," she whispered to the dream.

Riku woke with a start from his restless sleep. He looked around his room for a moment then out of his window. It was a cool, moonlit night and the sound of the ocean rolling in and out was steady and calming. Riku pulled his knees up to his chest, put his hands to his forehead and set his elbows on his knees. He let out a small yet staggering sigh and wiped some of the sweat from his cheek. Riku lifted his head up and looked outside to the satin sand of the beach and the ink water. He took in a shaky breath. Again…again that dream…that girl…that place, that sign! …Riku closed his eyes tightly.

"I'll find you. If it means I can live again, I'll free you," he whispered to the night air.


	2. Chp 1: The same as it never was

- :3! Chp1 yei! Please R&R. I hope you like this I DON'T OWN KH! >3 I'm just an otaku :3!

It was nearing Riku's nineteenth birthday. Riku pondered this as he studied his reflection in his bathroom mirror. He ran his hand through his silver hair, then glanced out of his window.

The sun was brightly shining, a soft breeze whispering through the palms. Riku walked over to his open window and leaned out of it. His sea foam eyes turned upwards to the endless sky. Cotton candy clouds lazed about in the cerulean placidity above him and the wind caught his hair. An invisible sigh shadowed his features and he looked around the beach outside of his home.

It still seemed so strange to be back at Destiny Islands. He had only been away from his home a little over a year, but it seemed like he had lived a lifetime of adventure in his time away. He had been a key part in saving everything he knew and many things he didn't, as had Sora, but neither of them received a hero's welcome home, except from Kairi of course. He knew right then, seeing how Kairi and Sora lit up the moment their eyes met, whatever hope of a relationship he had with her was gone. Now, he was content to watch their relationship blossom. Yet, even as the years since he'd returned had gone by, there were still so many questions left unanswered. 'What had happened to the part of Xemnas inside of him?' for example. The biggest one facing him though, was, "what now?"

"Hey Riku!" He heard. Riku turned his head in the direction of the voice. Riku saw Sora and Kairi walking down the beach. He smiled and waved to them calling, "I'll be down in a sec."

Riku pulled himself back into his room and quickly dressed himself. He met Sora and Kairi at his door and the three of them began to walk down the beach. Sora and Kairi talked and Riku put in the odd comment. After about fifteen minutes, Sora couldn't take it any longer.

"Riku, what's bothering you?" He asked. Riku looked up innocently and shrugged.

"Ah, it's nothing," Riku replied.

"Don't give me that! You're mind has been elsewhere ever since we said 'hello' this morning. Something's up and I wanna know," Sora said. Riku sighed and scratched the back of his head. Riku couldn't deny Sora when he gave his little tantrums. Riku thought that he must've done to to shut Sora up more than anything.

"I've been dreaming lately...and it's got me thinking...what now you guys? What are we supposed to do now? What adventures are left for us to undertake? I'm tired of sitting around...I feel restless," Riku confessed. He turned his face to the sea.

"It's been driving me crazy. I want something to do, to be…but Sora, I don't think there's anything left for us. And I, personally, would like one more adventure before I start settling down," Riku said still looking as the dazzling blue sea. Sora and Kairi were quiet. During Riku's speech, Kairi had slipped her hand into Sora's. Sora looked at her out of the corner of his eye and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze before breaking away and putting his hand on Riku's shoulder.

"Hey man, everything's safe now. The world's are safe, we're safe and our friends are safe. Xemnas is gone, Ansem is gone, the Hearless and Nobodies are gone, and I'm sure King Mickey has got it all under control. It's time to retire being heroes," Sora said. Riku looked to him. What Sora had said was not what Riku had wanted to hear. He had wanted to hear the old Sora, the Sora from before the adventure had even begun. It wasn't that Riku wasn't glad to be home, Riku just wanted to feel the thrill of the adventure again. One more crusade before this knight retired. Riku gave Sora a smile none-the-less and turned back to the sea.

"I...I'm not feeling too hot," Riku sighed, "I'll catch you guys later."

Riku started heading back to his home while Sora and Kairi looked after. Kairi looked to Sora and tugged on his hand to get his attention.

"What is it Kairi?" he asked. Kairi looked out to the sea.

"I feel kind of bad for Riku. His adventure was painful, like and unlike yours. After you beat Xehanort's Heartless, Riku's journey was purely to rid himself and the worlds of darkness. I don't think he's ever gotten over that--the darkness in himself and all the things he did while under its influence. So, I undersand why he wants another adventure. He wants one where he can come home a hero instead of being ashamed," Kairi explained.

Sora watched Kairi, his saphire eyes wide. That thought had never occured to him. How much suffering did Riku blame on himself? Sora tried to imagine how lonely Riku must actually feel, but he couldn't do it.

"Riku needs someone like himself. Someone who'll accept him and that knows everything. Maybe even a girl," Sora murmured.

"Where are we going to find a girl-Riku?" Kairi asked. Sora shrugged.

"There has to be someone out there who can love him. I can't imagine that there wouldn't be one person who could love Riku," He said.

Riku was lying on his bed, his arms splayed in random directions. As soon as he had gotten home that afternoon, he had flung himself on his bed and stared at his ceiling. It was Summer now, and Riku had just graduated highschool. In the fall he would go to a college in the next town over. For now, he was enjoying his last Summer break as a 'kid'. Downstairs he could hear his Mom and Dad talking while his Mom was cooking dinner. They were probably worried about him. His attitude had changed considerably since he'd gotten back. Instead of the smart-aleck he used to be, he was almost timid now, barely talking, and introverted. They were probably wondering if he was alright in the head. Riku wasn't sure if he was himself. He heard the front door open downstairs and heard Sora's voice.

'...Great...' he thought. He wasn't in the mood for one of Sora's pep-talks right now. Right now he wanted to just hide in his room until tomorrow. He heard Sora talking with his Mom and Dad; the usual greetings, and 'Oh Sora, how's your mother?'s. It wasn't long after that that he heard Sora's steps ascending the stairs, come to his door and open it. The light from the hall spilled into Riku's room, but he didn't look up.

"Gosh your parents like to talk," Sora said closing the door behind him.

"They always have," Riku said, turning his head to look at Sora.

"Riku, are you really alright? You've been acting really wierd since we got home and I'm worried about you," Sora said as he pulled Riku's desk chair to the bedside and sat with the back of the chair to his stomach. Riku sighed and his eyes drifted towards the ceiling, his face still towards Sora.

"I don't really know. All I know is that I feel like there should be one more adventure. Maybe its just because of these dreams--"

"Well, tell me about these dreams," Sora interrupted. Riku looked back at him and folded his arms behind his head.

"There's a hall. It's white--really white--and it looks like it's in the castle at Hollow Bastion. There's this big crystal at the end of the hall with this girl. She's blindfolded and wearing an Organization XIII coat. It sounds like she, I'm guessing she says it, there's no person to go with the voice, says 'see me'. Then I wake up," Riku said. Sora looked at Riku with a serious expression on his face.

"I know, just lock me up right now 'cause I'm nuts," Riku said picking up his pillow and putting it over his face. Sora's eyebrow twitched and he picked the pillow up off of Riku's face.

"You're not nuts," he said, "but maybe this is a genuine thing. Maybe someone is actually calling you, Riku."

Riku sighed.

"Who would need me? I really doubt there's a damsel in distress going 'Riku, Riku, O my beloved knight, Riku, save me!'" Riku exclaimed, falsetto voice and all. Sora smiled and had a hard time keeping from laughing.

"Well I doubt it's THAT dead-on, but the possibility of someone needing you isn't that far-fetched," he said.

"You're the hero, not me," Riku said in a sigh. He turned his head away from Sora and looked to the blank wall opposite him. Sora looked to his friend, his brows furrowed. He crossed his arms over the back of the chair, set his head on them and stared at Riku.

"Do you really blame yourself that much?" Sora asked in a voice that sounded childish, even to him. He saw a visible twitch in Riku. Riku turned himself over onto his side, his back to Sora and pulled his shoulders and knees into himself. Sora lifted his head from his folded arms and his eyes widend. Riku shuddered and took in a quaking breath. Sora's eyes widened and he stood up from the chair. With careful, quiet steps on the wooden floor of Riku's light blue room, he crossed over to the other side of the bed. Riku's head was turned in towards the bed and Sora couldn't see him very well. A shadow on Riku's face didn't help either.

"Hey...are you okay?" Sora asked setting a hand on Riku's shoulder. Sora almost withdrew his hand in shock--Riku's shoulder was cold and shivering. Sora noticed all of Riku was shaking.

"...Riku...you can't blame yourself for what happened. It's not your fault. What's past is past. You can't keep beating yourself up over this--this isn't like you," Sora said, his voice laiden with worry. Riku looked at Sora then away.

"I can't help it. These dreams have it on my mind more and more. Sora...I'm not myself," Riku said sitting up and looking out of the window over his bed. The crescent moon cast a little light into the room. Sora could see a shimmering line on Riku's face. Had he been crying? Sora watched Riku for a moment in silence.

"It's torture. It's just plain and simple torture. I don't know how much longer I can take it, Sora, I really don't. That's why I need an adventure. Something I can do to try and help when I've hurt so many, and so much," Riku trailed off. He continued to look out of the window at the endless sky. Sora's blue eyes watched his long-time friend with wonder.

"Kairi...Kairi said that the reason you wanted an adventure was to redeem yourself. I understand why, and I am totally behind it. I think you need someone to talk to though. Someone like you. I think you need a girl, man," Sora said clapping a hand on Riku's back. Riku looked to Sora with confusion.

"A girl?" Riku asked confused.

"Yeah! You know, someone that you can talk to and care for and that cares for you. Someone that loves you, you know?" Sora asked trying to convince Riku. Riku blinked.

"I doubt I'd find anyone like that," Riku said sadly. Sora chuckled nervously and patted Riku on the back.

"Well, I've gotta go. I told my mom I'd be back by nine. Keep what I said in mind. Take care dude," Sora said heading for Riku's door. Riku turned to watch him leave.

"You too," He said. Sora closed Riku's door and Riku was left alone in the darkness of his room. Riku gave a half-hearted smile.

'Alone in the darkness once again' he thought. There was a knock on Riku's door.

"Come in," he called. The door opened and Riku's mother poked her head in, her long silver hair reflecting the light in the hall. Her amethyst eyes scanned the room and adjusted to the darkness until she found Riku sitting on his bed.

"Hey, do you wanna come down for dinner?" She asked. Her voice was sweet and strong. Riku shook his head.

"Not hungry," was the short reply. Her brows furrowed with worry, and she opened the door a little wider and walked in, turning on a lamp as she walked by it. Riku squinted when the light came on but looked at his mother. She sat down on the bed, her hair, with it's curled ends, framing her face. For being an older woman, she still looked young, and full of life. She sat a small pale hand on her son's shoulder and asked, "Honey, is there something wrong?"

Riku sighed and crossed his legs.

"No, Mom, I'm fine," He said, smiling, "I promise."

Riku continued smiling, his bangs, which hung over his eyes, masking the sadness in them. Riku's mom couldn't be fooloed though, and she moved his bangs out of his face.

"Are you sure Honey? If you need to talk, I'm here," She said. Riku shook his head, still smiling.

"I'm alright," he said, taking her hand in his and moving it away from his face. His mom sighed and kissed his cheek.

"If that's what you want then okay," she said leaving the room. Riku got up and walked over to the lamp, turning it off. He strolled back to his bed and pulled his shirt off along the way. He fell onto his bed, and fought with the covers to ger under them.

In sleep, he thought, maybe he could find some peace.


End file.
